Over recent decades, Britain has become anaesthetised to the concept of divorce. The recession’s impact on strained relations and a more liberal view of family structure means separating couples are now commonplace. However, for thousands around the UK divorce will stir up painful memories of broken homes and legal feuds or thoughts of new beginnings and acceptance.

Modern opinions on divorce proceedings are highlighting the concept of healthy divorce and couples about to part ways should consider numerous options geared towards securing an amicable, civil and thoughtful separation. 

While a "healthy" divorce may sound like a contradiction in terms, there are distinct steps that couples can take to ensure such an emotional time is negotiated peacefully.  I describe this as the "emotional impact" of divorce, something just as important to consider for my clients as negotiating the terms of their divorce.

STEP 1: Make your plan

When the option of divorce arrives, it is important to make an appointment with a lawyer and a financial planner.  You will also rely on your friends considerably during the time ahead and they can be a tremendous help when deciding what action you need to take.  Taking a friend with you to see your solicitor can help as your friend can ask questions that you may have forgotten to ask.  Be prepared, however, for your solicitor to ask friends to leave the meeting before there are discussions regarding your spouse's financial circumstances, to preserve confidentiality.

Time spent planning for the road ahead will help cushion the reality of divorce and visualise future problems.

Accommodation, dividing the assets, how much money you are going to need to relocate, plans for the children, living arrangements - all these issues need to be discussed and close friends and specialists can offer a more independent point of view.

STEP 2: Accept your reality

It can be tempting to focus on the past, remembering all the good times shared and chances missed to reconcile disagreements. But, to have a healthy divorce it is important to focus on the present, admit that divorce is a reality and focus on creating a harmonious, healthy situation for the family’s future.  If there are children, you and your spouse will carry on being in each other's lives for the forseeable future.  Finding a healthy way of communicating with each other about the children at the beginning of the process can save enormously on both legal bills and time wasted arguing over such matters.

Honesty is key to accepting a relationship’s finality. Grief, fear, anger, doubt, regret and guilt all take their toll during divorce but revealing the truth about assets and legal needs helps all parties involved to accept what lies ahead and progress.

STEP 3: Deal with money issues and practicalities

The recession has become a catalyst within the country’s relationships. For some, it has pulled the family unit together but for others it has highlighted existing strains within relationships, intensified by financial worries.

Those contemplating or already going through a divorce in the current economic climate face additional pressures. While the notion of changing from a dual income household to a more independent life can seem daunting, careful financial planning can aid the transition.

Selling the family home, meeting legal costs and ensuring that children are provided for are just some of the financial and practical problems that can arise. Realistic budgets, built after an honest assessment of remaining assets and income, are essential when planning for such a turbulent time.

Independent Financial Advisors can help guide those with money worries through the process, while family mediation and "collaborative law" can help avoid high legal fees.

STEP 4: Communicate effectively with your former spouse

One of the many reasons a marriage can breakdown is the lack of communication between partners, but communication can be an important key when approaching divorce.

Talking to a former spouse can be stressful but those with children need to accept differences and engage with each other to ensure the wellbeing of the whole family, despite its segregated future.

By engaging in more holistic methods such as mediation and collaboration, couples can approach divorce away from the courts and punishing legal fees. Through such methods each party’s values and beliefs can be respected, ultimately benefitting all those involved.

Solutions: Mediation and Collaboration

Mediation takes place in the presence of an independent professional, or mediator. While often confused with counselling or marriage guidance, mediation assumes that a relationship has broken down and that both parties wish to attempt to resolve any disputes regarding children, property, finances or legal practicalities.  Mediation looks at ways of resolving disputes during divorce, avoiding the court process as well as considerable stress, time and money.

Separate from mediation, divorce through a collaborative method again keeps families away from court but involves more face to face negotiation. Collaborative practice allows lawyers to help guide proceedings in order to resolve disputes with respect for each other, while still giving support, protection and guidance to each party.

Such modern methods of divorce are not for everyone and should be approached by those willing to listen and fully embrace a healthy divorce.

Regardless of the steps taken, divorce will never be stress free and emotional pain is inevitable. However, by implementing guidelines and methods developed to ensure the utmost satisfaction of both parties, divorcing couples can find a mutually beneficial way of moving on and restructure their lives for an independent future.