The Importance of Planning Your Divorce
4th August 2010 by: Margaret Kelly
Most people plan their wedding day with great care, preparations sometimes beginning years before the wedding day. They choose where they would like to marry (a church, a register office, a stately home) at home or abroad. The couple often save up to ensure that they have sufficient funds for the great day to go off with a bang. Getting married is a life changing event and the wedding day a big one. However the stark reality borne out by statistics is that based on current trends 45% of marriages will end in divorce.
On the breakdown of a relationship people are in a different mind set. Uppermost in their mind seems to be how much the separation process will costs and how long it will take. They are often in a very difficult place experiencing anger, suffering a great deal of pain, very fearful for their futures and without much of an idea about the process they are about to become involved in. It is important that they are reminded that divorce, like marriage is a life defining event and requires sufficient attention to enable a person to move on with their new life – whatever that may be.
By the time a client meets with their solicitor it is often too late to save the relationship but where appropriate this option should be explored to see if some relationship counselling or individual therapy might help.
WHICH PROCESS
Once it is established that the relationship is over, the next step is to explore which process is best suited to this individual. Often at a first meeting there is a general discussion about the various options
If the person does not trust his/her partner to be honest and not hide assets, then it is unlikely that either mediation or collaborative law will be suitable. In these circumstances issuing a court application and going down the traditional route is probably the best option. In certain circumstances it can be also necessary to act quickly to protect assets.
If (s)he is able to trust his/her partner then mediation or collaborative law are well worth considering. For both of these options it is necessary for the parties to meet and be in the same room together. If, the client is unable to handle this experience it is worth exploring other options, one of which is negotiating without the parties coming face to face.
FUNDING THE PROCESS
A prospective client will want to be given an idea of the cost of the process. Rightly so as that cost will be met from the parties’ pot of money, reducing the amount available for them to embark on their new lives. At the beginning of a case it is extremely difficult to provide anything other than an initial estimate which may need to be reviewed as the case progresses. The other question that is often asked, particularly by a female client who is a mother and homemaker is “where will I find the money?” If things are difficult between the parties the husband will often not want to voluntarily fund his wife’s case, this scenario give the husband an unfair advantage. The courts require that there is, in so far as it is possible, a level playing field. If a husband is able to fund both sets of lawyers and refuses to put the wife in funds to meet hers an application to the court can be made by the wife for maintenance pending suit to cover her day to day living expenses including her legal costs. Where the couple are capital rich/income poor the wife may have to resort to family and friends, interest free credit cards or a litigation loan.
KEEPING SPIRITS UP DURING THE PROCESS
During the process a party may say “I’ll just do what they want – I can’t take any more of this” When the client reaches this point inviting them to project themselves forward five years and asking if they think they will be happy then with the arrangements they have reached today is a good reality check. At these times a reality check can be invaluable – what does accepting the offer really mean? Accepting an offer because you are upset or want it over with is probably not one of the best reasons for sealing the deal.
I am sure that planning for a dignified divorce will never hold the magic and romance of planning a wedding, but paying attention, will stand you in good stead for the future and who knows…that next wedding day.
On the breakdown of a relationship people are in a different mind set. Uppermost in their mind seems to be how much the separation process will costs and how long it will take. They are often in a very difficult place experiencing anger, suffering a great deal of pain, very fearful for their futures and without much of an idea about the process they are about to become involved in. It is important that they are reminded that divorce, like marriage is a life defining event and requires sufficient attention to enable a person to move on with their new life – whatever that may be.
By the time a client meets with their solicitor it is often too late to save the relationship but where appropriate this option should be explored to see if some relationship counselling or individual therapy might help.
WHICH PROCESS
Once it is established that the relationship is over, the next step is to explore which process is best suited to this individual. Often at a first meeting there is a general discussion about the various options
- direct agreement
- mediation
- collaborative law
- traditional court process
If the person does not trust his/her partner to be honest and not hide assets, then it is unlikely that either mediation or collaborative law will be suitable. In these circumstances issuing a court application and going down the traditional route is probably the best option. In certain circumstances it can be also necessary to act quickly to protect assets.
If (s)he is able to trust his/her partner then mediation or collaborative law are well worth considering. For both of these options it is necessary for the parties to meet and be in the same room together. If, the client is unable to handle this experience it is worth exploring other options, one of which is negotiating without the parties coming face to face.
FUNDING THE PROCESS
A prospective client will want to be given an idea of the cost of the process. Rightly so as that cost will be met from the parties’ pot of money, reducing the amount available for them to embark on their new lives. At the beginning of a case it is extremely difficult to provide anything other than an initial estimate which may need to be reviewed as the case progresses. The other question that is often asked, particularly by a female client who is a mother and homemaker is “where will I find the money?” If things are difficult between the parties the husband will often not want to voluntarily fund his wife’s case, this scenario give the husband an unfair advantage. The courts require that there is, in so far as it is possible, a level playing field. If a husband is able to fund both sets of lawyers and refuses to put the wife in funds to meet hers an application to the court can be made by the wife for maintenance pending suit to cover her day to day living expenses including her legal costs. Where the couple are capital rich/income poor the wife may have to resort to family and friends, interest free credit cards or a litigation loan.
KEEPING SPIRITS UP DURING THE PROCESS
During the process a party may say “I’ll just do what they want – I can’t take any more of this” When the client reaches this point inviting them to project themselves forward five years and asking if they think they will be happy then with the arrangements they have reached today is a good reality check. At these times a reality check can be invaluable – what does accepting the offer really mean? Accepting an offer because you are upset or want it over with is probably not one of the best reasons for sealing the deal.
I am sure that planning for a dignified divorce will never hold the magic and romance of planning a wedding, but paying attention, will stand you in good stead for the future and who knows…that next wedding day.
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